You're weird...now leave me alone!

This is my combo story for today…a poo poo platter if you wish.

So, I have another train story...actually 2. They aren’t as good as the time I fell across an entire subway car full of people and they don’t hold a candle to the time I was kissed by a homeless man, but I thought I would share.

Train Story #1

I want to be clear about this…I’m not a stalker, but I happen to take the same commuting path as this REALLY attractive guy. I’m pretty sure we went to High School together, but since he looks like the lovechild of Matt Damon and a Swedish Model, I doubt he would know who I was. He just stands on the platform looking oh so adorable every day waiting for the 7:31. I’m pretty sure he thinks I’m following him. It isn’t my fault that we take the same train, the same subway and happen to sit in the same car on both modes of transportation.

New Year’s Resolution: Get some chutzpa, lose 20 pounds, get sexy and talk to train boy!

Train Story #2

Like the title of my blog says, “Life is Awkward and so am I”. My life is a combination of awkward, yet lovable moments strung together- kinda like popcorn garland. Here is a perfect example of why my life is so painfully bizarre.

I was taking the train home from MA, after having a lovely, but way too short visit with KC. I was about 40 minutes into the ride and had a little over an hour to go. I was sitting by myself until a stop in CT, where a familiar looking boy sits down next to me. He decides that now is the perfect time to strike up a conversation.

Within minutes, I knew exactly who he was. We had actually met at least 15 times prior to this unfortunate train rendezvous while still in college. While he graduated a year before me, his reputation lasted long after he received his diploma.

I played along like I didn’t really know him-however, as the train ride went on and my attempts to blow him off went unnoticed, I thought it would be more fun to casually mention people we both know and places that we have definitely met before. It had been about 30 minutes and he thought we were“BFF”, poking my shoulder every time I said something as if I was the funniest human being alive. He proceeds to brag about his job, tell me how awesome his life is and let me know that “he is going to be CRAZY successful.”

I wanted to light myself on fire.

With around 40 minute to go and way too much touching taking place, he asked for my phone number. Did I want to decline?…YES, but I figured the 40 minute ride back to the city would be way more painful had I said no…especially since we were sitting about 6 inches from each other.

It’s been about 2 weeks and he has finally stopped texting, I think he got the hint after I ignored him for a few days.

Heads up to all the boys out there…texting me things like- “"I woke up to go to the beach this morning, walked out shirtless to walk towards the water . Then a homeless guy told me I was shivering and I woke up realizing I was on a different island...lost style" is completely bizarre and makes me want to delete your number immediately and get a restraining order.

Hope he doesn’t read this…

XO,

Ash